there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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