What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
We need to get me chipped asap
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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