She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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