I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
