He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
