Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
