I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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