my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
