Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
