I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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