i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
