Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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