The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
