my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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