my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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