we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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