Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
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