Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
