was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
