a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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