Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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