Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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