you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
