Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
He felt like a one man threesome
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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