I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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