Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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