Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
