Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You're a waste of cheezeits
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
