PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
