Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
