I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
