My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
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drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
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You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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