i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
