I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize