I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Randomize
