I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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