Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
