Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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