John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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