she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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