Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
