i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
