Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Randomize
