so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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