i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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