I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
