Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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