is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I just blew my weed a kiss
i've created a new STD.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
