But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
