Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
