OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
