chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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