I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
