This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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