you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
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I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
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I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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