Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
