got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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