im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
