I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Houston, we have a squirter
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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