Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
