She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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