Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
