He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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