So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
