just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
