I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
