Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
