there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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