If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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