Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
