thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
You smell like a Billy Joel song
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
