uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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