she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
