my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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