I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize