I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
