I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
