I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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