there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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