Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
We left the knife in your bed.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
