my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
