I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
