I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
