There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
