I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Randomize
