Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
