TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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