I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Boobs are out for the taking
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
