Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
